Your puffed up coat with brown fur at the tip
accentuates your already puffed out chest,
shielding you from whips of razor wind chill.
Your small oval glasses,
two small clouds
blind you from the glorious view.
Wind licks you up every few seconds
and you try not to bend into submission,
you fight the urge to lie down in a fetal position
and succumb to the new womb,
a cool blanket to comfort you where
no fire would ever extinguish you.

-Foxxie

Exposition

Do not make the mistake of assuming you know me. You do not define me:
You do not choose the dark clothes I wear.
You do not dictate the words I speak.
You do not visualize my twisted, contorted, thoughts.
You do not taste the exotic flavors that rip into my taste buds.
You do not walk in my seven inch heels or shoes aged for years.

Covered In Macy Gray

When I listen to Macy Gray I hear a voice of hurt.

A voice which cracks at the thought of cracked and broken memories.

She has the power to make us dance with tears in our eyes,

Beneath the pouring rain falling down

Mini droplets splashing into smaller bits that are left unnoticed.

Like Macy’s Creep

Wanting “a perfect body” and “a perfect soul”.

If others are special when do we take the time to find what’s special in us?

The whole point is to see where we belong right?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

So we start to explore

Unimaginable depths.

Once we look into the mirror and compare ourselves to other beings

The eating or restriction of eating begins

Along with the illicit illegalities we

Try to climb the ladder to reach a higher being,

Begin to being.

Then you have our personal connections

With mom and dad

With our brother and sisters

With our friends and colleagues or peers

Whoever we identify them as

They are a reflection of us.

They build us up and we snip out

The one’s who bring us down.

There is no concept of the weakest link just

The weakest self.

Our personal struggles that pull

Together the strings of our souls.

We look for other outlets

Other ways in and ways out.

Until we reach a dark place

And our reflection exists no more.

We continue throughout our lives to search

For ourselves but fail to realize

We begin with a blank map, a blank slate,

That leads to our destiny,

Which has started and ended,

Unaware that it was predetermined.

Drowning for the love of ourselves not others.

No one throws forth the rafts or anchors.

– Foxxie

A NICE SONG

I’m feeling…

Let me take you for a drive, boy
Oh I swear you’ll feel alive, boy

Valentine’s Day is approaching…

When we look away…

Fun, you and me in the Middle East
Shooting at rocks, bullets cocked in the midday

Listen to what he tells us…

Now you know what you gotta do

Take me for that drive…

Let me hold the wheel…

Just don’t look them in the eyes, boy

Son, you and me in the old Jeep
Ride around town with our rifles on the front seat

This is the only song I’m focused on…

Does it have anything to do with this day…

No probably not but who knows…

No I know what I gotta do…

Have fun…

When you’re standing on the line, boy
Don’t go looking for goodbye, boy

Listen…

Don’t go looking for goodbye, boy
Yeah you gotta set them free, boy
‘Cause you know that’s what they need, boy

– Foxxie

Listen to: “Fun” by Troye Sivan

Freed

You become numb and take in what you think you feel.
Forget about what you were taught.
Forget about the right and the wrong.
You possess the power of choice.
Do not allow yourself to fall between the rigid cracks of society

Climb, climb, and climb your way out.
Listen to your peers and educators but do not be afraid to question.
Do not allow them to help you tie a noose.
You decide when to put the rope around your neck
And how tight.

– Foxxie

Beaten and Bruised but not Broken

By Foxxie St. James

How do you tell someone “I love you”?
It’s like having to inform someone about a loved one’s death.
There’s that word again love…
There is no easy way to go about that.
Do we need to stay in the lines?
Why do we allow others
To misguide us,
To mistreat us,
And drain us to exhaustion?
How do you know if you love someone?
How would you know a feeling you’ve never experienced?
Love is an unforgiving path.
Why place emphasis on truth when we have no clue how we truly feel?
Some things are just better left unknown.
Too much information can compel us.

something worth sharing

One of the great things about our human experience. We meet many others that do not see the world we do. These people we encounter end up enriching our lives by teaching us a little something different even if it’s a little glimpse from their perspective. I’ve learned so much from those I’ve met and continue to meet each day. ♥

     -Foxxie

Bind Me Ever So Lightly

I have not lost one, but two.
My thoughts tend to obsess
Over their characteristics.
Both ever so bold,
Both ever so independent.
I wanted to be the one,
Their fire blanket ever so gently
Protecting them from harm.
I wanted to be the cook,
The caregiver,
The love maker,
Money wasn’t a concern of mine.
He was a marine;
Strong, Brave, and Bold.
He was a construction worker;
Strong, Fearless and Stubborn.
Both could have lifted me
Way above my limited expectations.
They could have sent down a rope
Lifting me up from my turmoil.
My fantasies have prevented me from realizing,
They provided.
They sheltered.
They comforted.
They consoled.
They healed.
They loved.

– Foxxie

CRAP

I can’t help but sit here and think what the f*** did I do? You no longer speak to me it’s as if I never existed. It’s as if my very existence has gone into oblivion in your world. Do you think of me from time to time? I doubt it. I just continue to sit here and sip my tea. I love the taste of honey and tea. The way it flows; warm, hot, and thick, much like your jizz bizz. Haha it’s funny to think about. I wonder if it was all a dream. The first time we met, the first laugh we shared, the secrets we told each other, exploring our little world together on a steady path to nowhere. I miss you. I really do and even though you can’t see me I still see you.

-Foxxie