Burned

I continue to walk this long path full of shattered glass and enlarged flames. Allowing the pain to sweep around my toes, ankles, slender calves, thighs, pretty buttocks, hips, large abdomen, wide chest, wide shoulders up and around to the tip of my punctured nose. This pain is like no other and there is no true source yet physiological symptoms are always knocking at the door.

Tears blinded the road as I smoothly accomplished each twist and swerve home. I reflect on the one I suppose could have filled the empty pleasure cove. He stood tall and proud smugly glanced over me. That kind of glance people have when they come across the stench of cows among the countryside. The kind of glance given to CNAs from their medical colleagues. The glance that is the backbone of their false sense of superiority¬†and you amount to nothing. He then walks briskly toward his apartment repeating twice not interested one more glance, one more “not interested”, and slams door shut. He does not forget to lock the many locks on the other side. Confined in his greatness.

Could he have been the one? Or was it the first one I allowed to touch me? Or the one I allowed myself to be vulnerable with? Or was it the one I took on a date who continued to flirt with others in front of me? Or the one constantly monitoring my every mood wanting nothing more than a puppet? Or the one selling dope at the corner only to be left dead shot in the head? Or the one I chased knowing he loved being chased but had little interest in being prized? Or the one night stands from drunken nights? Or the friend I thought I could trust? Or the first “with benefits”? Or the one on the DL wanting no one to know our “little secret”? Or the matches I found on tinder that rarely reply? Or the others I’ve allowed to see me, feel me, smell me and taste me? So many more unanswered questions arise with these few.

I continue to walk this path along the flames. I learned that the path to happiness to finding love one is bound to be burned along the way. The scars left behind are reminders, lessons, and they make us who we are. That’s all for now it’s late and I’m tired.

CRAP

I can’t help but sit here and think what the f*** did I do? You no longer speak to me it’s as if I never existed. It’s as if my very existence has gone into oblivion in your world. Do you think of me from time to time? I doubt it. I just continue to sit here and sip my tea. I love the taste of honey and tea. The way it flows; warm, hot, and thick, much like your jizz bizz. Haha it’s funny to think about. I wonder if it was all a dream. The first time we met, the first laugh we shared, the secrets we told each other, exploring our little world together on a steady path to nowhere. I miss you. I really do and even though you can’t see me I still see you.

-Foxxie

Waves

Seasick / I look to the left darkness / I look to the right it’s almost as if I can see the light / for a moment there is no ocean / no waves, no motion / Seasick / rocking back and forth / I lose sense of direction / My body floats freely into space / high but still Seasick / I dive / I crash into the deep blue / unable to breathe, unable to speak, unable to see / I look to the right nothing, I look to the left nothing / Where did the light go? / No senses. / The sea is sick…

             – Foxxie