Burned

I continue to walk this long path full of shattered glass and enlarged flames. Allowing the pain to sweep around my toes, ankles, slender calves, thighs, pretty buttocks, hips, large abdomen, wide chest, wide shoulders up and around to the tip of my punctured nose. This pain is like no other and there is no true source yet physiological symptoms are always knocking at the door.

Tears blinded the road as I smoothly accomplished each twist and swerve home. I reflect on the one I suppose could have filled the empty pleasure cove. He stood tall and proud smugly glanced over me. That kind of glance people have when they come across the stench of cows among the countryside. The kind of glance given to CNAs from their medical colleagues. The glance that is the backbone of their false sense of superiority and you amount to nothing. He then walks briskly toward his apartment repeating twice not interested one more glance, one more “not interested”, and slams door shut. He does not forget to lock the many locks on the other side. Confined in his greatness.

Could he have been the one? Or was it the first one I allowed to touch me? Or the one I allowed myself to be vulnerable with? Or was it the one I took on a date who continued to flirt with others in front of me? Or the one constantly monitoring my every mood wanting nothing more than a puppet? Or the one selling dope at the corner only to be left dead shot in the head? Or the one I chased knowing he loved being chased but had little interest in being prized? Or the one night stands from drunken nights? Or the friend I thought I could trust? Or the first “with benefits”? Or the one on the DL wanting no one to know our “little secret”? Or the matches I found on tinder that rarely reply? Or the others I’ve allowed to see me, feel me, smell me and taste me? So many more unanswered questions arise with these few.

I continue to walk this path along the flames. I learned that the path to happiness to finding love one is bound to be burned along the way. The scars left behind are reminders, lessons, and they make us who we are. That’s all for now it’s late and I’m tired.

A Moment in 2015

I learned that I no longer want to put up with bullshit. I am finishing college as an undergrad. To be honest my college experience has been very enriching. I am thankful for every experience I’ve had. There have been some tough days along with great ones. I have learned that I am an intellectual fighter. I want to push the envelope so to speak. I enjoy forcing others to look beyond and become involved with something they may not understand. I no longer tolerate intolerance, in fact I do not want to just tolerate I want to understand others. I want to understand other cultures their food, their language, even their ways of thinking. Unfortunately, I have realized not everyone thinks similarly. As someone pointed out to me it is 2015. We are living in a time where people had aspirations. The hope for unity, more technological gadgets, little debt, living to enjoy life. Instead we continue to suffer. We suffer from racism, discrimination, ageism, sexism, and all the “isms” that are in existence throughout the world. We have not taken away the stigma associated with social deviance. We still do not take the time to understand them. We allow laws to be passed that encourage this way of thinking. We thought we made progress but fail to see the two steps back we have taken. I choose to take the blinders off. I want to see this world for what it is. I hope to gain an army of people who take the time to learn and teach others. We are in a place where unity has been broken. Sex slaves remain and we use language to demean the prostitutes that walk our corners. The homeless sleeping on the street without blankets, coats, or a place to make themselves clean. We walk by some giving a nickel or two others walk away choosing to ignore the needy. Making statements such as get a job without asking how they ended up on the side of the road. Without their side we wouldn’t realize that some suffer from mental disorders, some lost their homes to a divorce, a natural disaster, lost their jobs. The unemployed lest we forget that an income keeps the roof over our heads and the heater on. It’s below freezing out but the weather is not the only thing that is cold. Take a look around where are you? Myself I am sitting in a lobby with colleagues unaware of our futures and the influential power we hold. Just typing a way with a heater blasting hot air shielding us from the bitter cold, fridges that hold our fresh food. Friends to share our laughter and secrets with. It starts with my group we need to be aware of these issues to ensure we help those in need instead of allowing ourselves to be motivated by money. Trying to live a decent life. Well decency in my opinion isn’t just the way we are but the way we are with others those around us. Yes we may encounter people who choose to hate others that they do not understand but we must not allow them to get a rise out of us. We must learn to try our best to teach them better. Our little seed may grow or may wither but the remains will stay for some period of time. This year I am stronger and I am ready to make a difference. I am one person but I can plant an infinite amount of these seeds. I just hope more will bloom and thrive. (end rant)

-Foxxie

Beaten and Bruised but not Broken

By Foxxie St. James

How do you tell someone “I love you”?
It’s like having to inform someone about a loved one’s death.
There’s that word again love…
There is no easy way to go about that.
Do we need to stay in the lines?
Why do we allow others
To misguide us,
To mistreat us,
And drain us to exhaustion?
How do you know if you love someone?
How would you know a feeling you’ve never experienced?
Love is an unforgiving path.
Why place emphasis on truth when we have no clue how we truly feel?
Some things are just better left unknown.
Too much information can compel us.

Get Into The Groove

This thing we call life can get us real low sometimes.
I have discovered this thing inside of all of us.
Some refer to it as spirit.
To me spirit is the thing inside of us that wills us to push through.
Spirit is the thing that picks up the fallen victim.
Spirit mends the heart after a heartbreak.
Spirit allows us to see the light through any kind of darkness.
Spirit saves those who experience self overdose.
Spirit drives us to crawl out of what we term “rock bottom”.
Spirit allows us to live day to day.
Within ourselves we have this spirit waiting to glow.
Find the time to allow the spirit to thrive to dance to the music of life along side you.
Get into the groove.
Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.

         -Foxxie

RIP Maya Angelou

RIP Maya Angelou

this is my favorite quote by Maya Angelou I learned of her passing a few hours ago and was saddened at the loss of a woman I feel has made an impact on our world she has lived the past, taught us the past, educated us on how to hone in on our skills to become better human beings, and like many teachers she wanted us to have fulfilling lives…she leaves behind her powerful thoughts those lessons will carry on for generations

– Foxxie