Burned

I continue to walk this long path full of shattered glass and enlarged flames. Allowing the pain to sweep around my toes, ankles, slender calves, thighs, pretty buttocks, hips, large abdomen, wide chest, wide shoulders up and around to the tip of my punctured nose. This pain is like no other and there is no true source yet physiological symptoms are always knocking at the door.

Tears blinded the road as I smoothly accomplished each twist and swerve home. I reflect on the one I suppose could have filled the empty pleasure cove. He stood tall and proud smugly glanced over me. That kind of glance people have when they come across the stench of cows among the countryside. The kind of glance given to CNAs from their medical colleagues. The glance that is the backbone of their false sense of superiority and you amount to nothing. He then walks briskly toward his apartment repeating twice not interested one more glance, one more “not interested”, and slams door shut. He does not forget to lock the many locks on the other side. Confined in his greatness.

Could he have been the one? Or was it the first one I allowed to touch me? Or the one I allowed myself to be vulnerable with? Or was it the one I took on a date who continued to flirt with others in front of me? Or the one constantly monitoring my every mood wanting nothing more than a puppet? Or the one selling dope at the corner only to be left dead shot in the head? Or the one I chased knowing he loved being chased but had little interest in being prized? Or the one night stands from drunken nights? Or the friend I thought I could trust? Or the first “with benefits”? Or the one on the DL wanting no one to know our “little secret”? Or the matches I found on tinder that rarely reply? Or the others I’ve allowed to see me, feel me, smell me and taste me? So many more unanswered questions arise with these few.

I continue to walk this path along the flames. I learned that the path to happiness to finding love one is bound to be burned along the way. The scars left behind are reminders, lessons, and they make us who we are. That’s all for now it’s late and I’m tired.

PRIDE 2015

May all my fellow LGBTQ persons and allies enjoy celebrating Pride this year. We have seen a tremendous change over the years with human rights. Let us reflect on how far we have come as people in general. Most of us have wanted nothing more than equality for all and we made one huge step in our mighty country and it is FABULOUS. I will try not to bore you all with too many words. Take a second to go out and take a breath of  air, look around, and know we are making progress. We have all in our little ways contributed to this difference. Celebrate with those close to you and share the love.

xxoo

-Foxxie

A Moment in 2015

I learned that I no longer want to put up with bullshit. I am finishing college as an undergrad. To be honest my college experience has been very enriching. I am thankful for every experience I’ve had. There have been some tough days along with great ones. I have learned that I am an intellectual fighter. I want to push the envelope so to speak. I enjoy forcing others to look beyond and become involved with something they may not understand. I no longer tolerate intolerance, in fact I do not want to just tolerate I want to understand others. I want to understand other cultures their food, their language, even their ways of thinking. Unfortunately, I have realized not everyone thinks similarly. As someone pointed out to me it is 2015. We are living in a time where people had aspirations. The hope for unity, more technological gadgets, little debt, living to enjoy life. Instead we continue to suffer. We suffer from racism, discrimination, ageism, sexism, and all the “isms” that are in existence throughout the world. We have not taken away the stigma associated with social deviance. We still do not take the time to understand them. We allow laws to be passed that encourage this way of thinking. We thought we made progress but fail to see the two steps back we have taken. I choose to take the blinders off. I want to see this world for what it is. I hope to gain an army of people who take the time to learn and teach others. We are in a place where unity has been broken. Sex slaves remain and we use language to demean the prostitutes that walk our corners. The homeless sleeping on the street without blankets, coats, or a place to make themselves clean. We walk by some giving a nickel or two others walk away choosing to ignore the needy. Making statements such as get a job without asking how they ended up on the side of the road. Without their side we wouldn’t realize that some suffer from mental disorders, some lost their homes to a divorce, a natural disaster, lost their jobs. The unemployed lest we forget that an income keeps the roof over our heads and the heater on. It’s below freezing out but the weather is not the only thing that is cold. Take a look around where are you? Myself I am sitting in a lobby with colleagues unaware of our futures and the influential power we hold. Just typing a way with a heater blasting hot air shielding us from the bitter cold, fridges that hold our fresh food. Friends to share our laughter and secrets with. It starts with my group we need to be aware of these issues to ensure we help those in need instead of allowing ourselves to be motivated by money. Trying to live a decent life. Well decency in my opinion isn’t just the way we are but the way we are with others those around us. Yes we may encounter people who choose to hate others that they do not understand but we must not allow them to get a rise out of us. We must learn to try our best to teach them better. Our little seed may grow or may wither but the remains will stay for some period of time. This year I am stronger and I am ready to make a difference. I am one person but I can plant an infinite amount of these seeds. I just hope more will bloom and thrive. (end rant)

-Foxxie

US

With misery comes pain,
Followed by the feeling of being alone.
Soon things come to light and you recognize family.

Family can have a variety of meaning.
They can be anyone in the world.
This world which is made up of people.
People who are individuals, unique, and stem from different cultures.

The people make up human interaction.
With that interaction comes a variety of reactions,
Similar to that of a ripple effect.

Some choose to experience the world through rose colored glasses.
Others through regular black shades.
They experience the orgasmic feelings that come with sex,
But also experience the pain from unprotected sex.
Why do we choose to leave ourselves exposed and vulnerable?

With all the things I admire in this world I tend to overlook the tragedy.
Homosexuals being beaten to a pulp.
Others being killed over retaliation.

Retaliation stems from various sources.
Gang violence being the most common.
The stereotypes that follow gang members.

They trade guns.
They sell illicit drugs.
They are cruel.
But it isn’t just them who is at fault,
Even the holy have their own turmoil.

Pedophilia makes me sick.
Alter boys experiencing molestation,
Following the strict rules of religion.
When will the silence end?

The closed mindedness of some people is just sad.
The ones who carry on with the violence and hate just because they can.
Calling out the fags, niggers, and spics just because they can.
When will it end?

Television shows us a whole lot of nothing.
From the housewives to the other hordes of reality stars.
Stop.
Accept sexuality.
Accept the drag queens.
Accept the dykes, the fags, the blacks, the ones who cross the border.

Despite our efforts to destroy this insanity,
We fail.
We fail because we all are connected in some way.
The child who was abused tries to make things right but can’t.
The woman who is beaten day in and day out tries to run but can’t.
The dad who continues to make promises he can’t keep.
We try to battle the stigma behind HIV/AIDS but can’t.
We try to call out the racist bigoted bastards,
But they end up walking away scott free.

When will it stop?
When will you, I , she, he, we
Change our way of thinking?
We all have this freedom when we receive higher education,
Yet fail to express ourselves when it matters.

The words are there,
They flow off our tongues,
But are we really saying something?
Or simply looking away?

– Foxxie

Look at Me

As I lay here, naked, I look to the one next to me. Short black hair with a few wisp of white, indicating to me that he is wise. I look at him then I think about me. Could he care for me? Then again I stop to remind myself no this was supposed to be a fun thing. This was a fling another account of summer love. I know when he clings onto me he craves me and only me for what I have. I’m not talking about youthfulness but I’m referring to my freedom. Yes, the freedom to travel, to complete school, to love another man without fear. I hold him tightly allowing my body to express that I do have the freedom to love and I chose to share a bit of that love to him. I look to him seeing all the qualities of a man I want to be; strong, assertive, yet gentle…all at once. He represents independence and he has an essence about him that can be like the super hereos that everyone once wanted to be or wanted to have. I have both. They say age is just a number but I think two consenting adults feel more than the physical. We look at each other with passion. Inside I feel nothing but chaos followed by a sweet slumber.  Where I turn to look at my lover and he turns to look at me. Once two strangers now together sharing a moment of pleasure and envy. I lay there vulnerable as he continues to look at me and only me.

         -Foxxie