As I lay my head against my cold blue shoulder,
I see the shivers,
I hear the tears.

Stiff as a board,
my out of body experience whispers
a deafening blow,
The wind breezes past the drum.

The worst part of it all,
is the tik tik tik,
the pat pat pat,
of a swollen heart ready
to burst.

A flowing river longer
than Miss Issipp I’s
strands of hair so translucent.
My tears are no match.

-Foxxie

A Moment in 2015

I learned that I no longer want to put up with bullshit. I am finishing college as an undergrad. To be honest my college experience has been very enriching. I am thankful for every experience I’ve had. There have been some tough days along with great ones. I have learned that I am an intellectual fighter. I want to push the envelope so to speak. I enjoy forcing others to look beyond and become involved with something they may not understand. I no longer tolerate intolerance, in fact I do not want to just tolerate I want to understand others. I want to understand other cultures their food, their language, even their ways of thinking. Unfortunately, I have realized not everyone thinks similarly. As someone pointed out to me it is 2015. We are living in a time where people had aspirations. The hope for unity, more technological gadgets, little debt, living to enjoy life. Instead we continue to suffer. We suffer from racism, discrimination, ageism, sexism, and all the “isms” that are in existence throughout the world. We have not taken away the stigma associated with social deviance. We still do not take the time to understand them. We allow laws to be passed that encourage this way of thinking. We thought we made progress but fail to see the two steps back we have taken. I choose to take the blinders off. I want to see this world for what it is. I hope to gain an army of people who take the time to learn and teach others. We are in a place where unity has been broken. Sex slaves remain and we use language to demean the prostitutes that walk our corners. The homeless sleeping on the street without blankets, coats, or a place to make themselves clean. We walk by some giving a nickel or two others walk away choosing to ignore the needy. Making statements such as get a job without asking how they ended up on the side of the road. Without their side we wouldn’t realize that some suffer from mental disorders, some lost their homes to a divorce, a natural disaster, lost their jobs. The unemployed lest we forget that an income keeps the roof over our heads and the heater on. It’s below freezing out but the weather is not the only thing that is cold. Take a look around where are you? Myself I am sitting in a lobby with colleagues unaware of our futures and the influential power we hold. Just typing a way with a heater blasting hot air shielding us from the bitter cold, fridges that hold our fresh food. Friends to share our laughter and secrets with. It starts with my group we need to be aware of these issues to ensure we help those in need instead of allowing ourselves to be motivated by money. Trying to live a decent life. Well decency in my opinion isn’t just the way we are but the way we are with others those around us. Yes we may encounter people who choose to hate others that they do not understand but we must not allow them to get a rise out of us. We must learn to try our best to teach them better. Our little seed may grow or may wither but the remains will stay for some period of time. This year I am stronger and I am ready to make a difference. I am one person but I can plant an infinite amount of these seeds. I just hope more will bloom and thrive. (end rant)

-Foxxie

Your puffed up coat with brown fur at the tip
accentuates your already puffed out chest,
shielding you from whips of razor wind chill.
Your small oval glasses,
two small clouds
blind you from the glorious view.
Wind licks you up every few seconds
and you try not to bend into submission,
you fight the urge to lie down in a fetal position
and succumb to the new womb,
a cool blanket to comfort you where
no fire would ever extinguish you.

-Foxxie

Exposition

Do not make the mistake of assuming you know me. You do not define me:
You do not choose the dark clothes I wear.
You do not dictate the words I speak.
You do not visualize my twisted, contorted, thoughts.
You do not taste the exotic flavors that rip into my taste buds.
You do not walk in my seven inch heels or shoes aged for years.

Covered In Macy Gray

When I listen to Macy Gray I hear a voice of hurt.

A voice which cracks at the thought of cracked and broken memories.

She has the power to make us dance with tears in our eyes,

Beneath the pouring rain falling down

Mini droplets splashing into smaller bits that are left unnoticed.

Like Macy’s Creep

Wanting “a perfect body” and “a perfect soul”.

If others are special when do we take the time to find what’s special in us?

The whole point is to see where we belong right?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

So we start to explore

Unimaginable depths.

Once we look into the mirror and compare ourselves to other beings

The eating or restriction of eating begins

Along with the illicit illegalities we

Try to climb the ladder to reach a higher being,

Begin to being.

Then you have our personal connections

With mom and dad

With our brother and sisters

With our friends and colleagues or peers

Whoever we identify them as

They are a reflection of us.

They build us up and we snip out

The one’s who bring us down.

There is no concept of the weakest link just

The weakest self.

Our personal struggles that pull

Together the strings of our souls.

We look for other outlets

Other ways in and ways out.

Until we reach a dark place

And our reflection exists no more.

We continue throughout our lives to search

For ourselves but fail to realize

We begin with a blank map, a blank slate,

That leads to our destiny,

Which has started and ended,

Unaware that it was predetermined.

Drowning for the love of ourselves not others.

No one throws forth the rafts or anchors.

– Foxxie

Freed

You become numb and take in what you think you feel.
Forget about what you were taught.
Forget about the right and the wrong.
You possess the power of choice.
Do not allow yourself to fall between the rigid cracks of society

Climb, climb, and climb your way out.
Listen to your peers and educators but do not be afraid to question.
Do not allow them to help you tie a noose.
You decide when to put the rope around your neck
And how tight.

– Foxxie

Beaten and Bruised but not Broken

By Foxxie St. James

How do you tell someone “I love you”?
It’s like having to inform someone about a loved one’s death.
There’s that word again love…
There is no easy way to go about that.
Do we need to stay in the lines?
Why do we allow others
To misguide us,
To mistreat us,
And drain us to exhaustion?
How do you know if you love someone?
How would you know a feeling you’ve never experienced?
Love is an unforgiving path.
Why place emphasis on truth when we have no clue how we truly feel?
Some things are just better left unknown.
Too much information can compel us.

Bind Me Ever So Lightly

I have not lost one, but two.
My thoughts tend to obsess
Over their characteristics.
Both ever so bold,
Both ever so independent.
I wanted to be the one,
Their fire blanket ever so gently
Protecting them from harm.
I wanted to be the cook,
The caregiver,
The love maker,
Money wasn’t a concern of mine.
He was a marine;
Strong, Brave, and Bold.
He was a construction worker;
Strong, Fearless and Stubborn.
Both could have lifted me
Way above my limited expectations.
They could have sent down a rope
Lifting me up from my turmoil.
My fantasies have prevented me from realizing,
They provided.
They sheltered.
They comforted.
They consoled.
They healed.
They loved.

– Foxxie

US

With misery comes pain,
Followed by the feeling of being alone.
Soon things come to light and you recognize family.

Family can have a variety of meaning.
They can be anyone in the world.
This world which is made up of people.
People who are individuals, unique, and stem from different cultures.

The people make up human interaction.
With that interaction comes a variety of reactions,
Similar to that of a ripple effect.

Some choose to experience the world through rose colored glasses.
Others through regular black shades.
They experience the orgasmic feelings that come with sex,
But also experience the pain from unprotected sex.
Why do we choose to leave ourselves exposed and vulnerable?

With all the things I admire in this world I tend to overlook the tragedy.
Homosexuals being beaten to a pulp.
Others being killed over retaliation.

Retaliation stems from various sources.
Gang violence being the most common.
The stereotypes that follow gang members.

They trade guns.
They sell illicit drugs.
They are cruel.
But it isn’t just them who is at fault,
Even the holy have their own turmoil.

Pedophilia makes me sick.
Alter boys experiencing molestation,
Following the strict rules of religion.
When will the silence end?

The closed mindedness of some people is just sad.
The ones who carry on with the violence and hate just because they can.
Calling out the fags, niggers, and spics just because they can.
When will it end?

Television shows us a whole lot of nothing.
From the housewives to the other hordes of reality stars.
Stop.
Accept sexuality.
Accept the drag queens.
Accept the dykes, the fags, the blacks, the ones who cross the border.

Despite our efforts to destroy this insanity,
We fail.
We fail because we all are connected in some way.
The child who was abused tries to make things right but can’t.
The woman who is beaten day in and day out tries to run but can’t.
The dad who continues to make promises he can’t keep.
We try to battle the stigma behind HIV/AIDS but can’t.
We try to call out the racist bigoted bastards,
But they end up walking away scott free.

When will it stop?
When will you, I , she, he, we
Change our way of thinking?
We all have this freedom when we receive higher education,
Yet fail to express ourselves when it matters.

The words are there,
They flow off our tongues,
But are we really saying something?
Or simply looking away?

– Foxxie