Burned

I continue to walk this long path full of shattered glass and enlarged flames. Allowing the pain to sweep around my toes, ankles, slender calves, thighs, pretty buttocks, hips, large abdomen, wide chest, wide shoulders up and around to the tip of my punctured nose. This pain is like no other and there is no true source yet physiological symptoms are always knocking at the door.

Tears blinded the road as I smoothly accomplished each twist and swerve home. I reflect on the one I suppose could have filled the empty pleasure cove. He stood tall and proud smugly glanced over me. That kind of glance people have when they come across the stench of cows among the countryside. The kind of glance given to CNAs from their medical colleagues. The glance that is the backbone of their false sense of superiority and you amount to nothing. He then walks briskly toward his apartment repeating twice not interested one more glance, one more “not interested”, and slams door shut. He does not forget to lock the many locks on the other side. Confined in his greatness.

Could he have been the one? Or was it the first one I allowed to touch me? Or the one I allowed myself to be vulnerable with? Or was it the one I took on a date who continued to flirt with others in front of me? Or the one constantly monitoring my every mood wanting nothing more than a puppet? Or the one selling dope at the corner only to be left dead shot in the head? Or the one I chased knowing he loved being chased but had little interest in being prized? Or the one night stands from drunken nights? Or the friend I thought I could trust? Or the first “with benefits”? Or the one on the DL wanting no one to know our “little secret”? Or the matches I found on tinder that rarely reply? Or the others I’ve allowed to see me, feel me, smell me and taste me? So many more unanswered questions arise with these few.

I continue to walk this path along the flames. I learned that the path to happiness to finding love one is bound to be burned along the way. The scars left behind are reminders, lessons, and they make us who we are. That’s all for now it’s late and I’m tired.

US

With misery comes pain,
Followed by the feeling of being alone.
Soon things come to light and you recognize family.

Family can have a variety of meaning.
They can be anyone in the world.
This world which is made up of people.
People who are individuals, unique, and stem from different cultures.

The people make up human interaction.
With that interaction comes a variety of reactions,
Similar to that of a ripple effect.

Some choose to experience the world through rose colored glasses.
Others through regular black shades.
They experience the orgasmic feelings that come with sex,
But also experience the pain from unprotected sex.
Why do we choose to leave ourselves exposed and vulnerable?

With all the things I admire in this world I tend to overlook the tragedy.
Homosexuals being beaten to a pulp.
Others being killed over retaliation.

Retaliation stems from various sources.
Gang violence being the most common.
The stereotypes that follow gang members.

They trade guns.
They sell illicit drugs.
They are cruel.
But it isn’t just them who is at fault,
Even the holy have their own turmoil.

Pedophilia makes me sick.
Alter boys experiencing molestation,
Following the strict rules of religion.
When will the silence end?

The closed mindedness of some people is just sad.
The ones who carry on with the violence and hate just because they can.
Calling out the fags, niggers, and spics just because they can.
When will it end?

Television shows us a whole lot of nothing.
From the housewives to the other hordes of reality stars.
Stop.
Accept sexuality.
Accept the drag queens.
Accept the dykes, the fags, the blacks, the ones who cross the border.

Despite our efforts to destroy this insanity,
We fail.
We fail because we all are connected in some way.
The child who was abused tries to make things right but can’t.
The woman who is beaten day in and day out tries to run but can’t.
The dad who continues to make promises he can’t keep.
We try to battle the stigma behind HIV/AIDS but can’t.
We try to call out the racist bigoted bastards,
But they end up walking away scott free.

When will it stop?
When will you, I , she, he, we
Change our way of thinking?
We all have this freedom when we receive higher education,
Yet fail to express ourselves when it matters.

The words are there,
They flow off our tongues,
But are we really saying something?
Or simply looking away?

– Foxxie

Get Into The Groove

This thing we call life can get us real low sometimes.
I have discovered this thing inside of all of us.
Some refer to it as spirit.
To me spirit is the thing inside of us that wills us to push through.
Spirit is the thing that picks up the fallen victim.
Spirit mends the heart after a heartbreak.
Spirit allows us to see the light through any kind of darkness.
Spirit saves those who experience self overdose.
Spirit drives us to crawl out of what we term “rock bottom”.
Spirit allows us to live day to day.
Within ourselves we have this spirit waiting to glow.
Find the time to allow the spirit to thrive to dance to the music of life along side you.
Get into the groove.
Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.

         -Foxxie

The Big WAI?

So I don’t have the drop dead looks…
So I’m not all that rich…
So I’m not your typical guy…
I am smart…
I am funny…
I bend gender roles at times…
I know how to listen to others…
I am loving…
Guess what, I have a many internal qualities that can not be taken away without my permission…

I am reflecting on a lot of things right now. The last thing I stated was “I am loving”. So powerful in many ways, I am…I love my family, my friends, my lovers, myself. These people all have an impact in my well being today. Sure lovers have come and gone, my real friends remain by my side, my family will always be my family. Each have their lessons and I am blessed to have there input to make me a stronger me. Over the years all of these people have helped me gain insight to who I really am. It’s not until recently I myself have tapped into discovering who I am.

I have gone through many good and bad times…
I will continue to experience these ups and downs…
& I am perfectly fine with that…
It all brings me closer to who I am…
With that I say to this life of mine “bring it” I am ready

             -Foxxie

I WANT

I want to wipe away the tears of pain…

I want to heal the wounds of hate…

I want to actually “see” those around me…

I want to love just to love…

I want to live in the moment…

I want nothing in return…

                             – Foxxie